I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
