So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
