He called his prostate his "boner button".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
