Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
