Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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