Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
