Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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