Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
