Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
