Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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