Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
