I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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