And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
