just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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