At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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