I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
