the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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