He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize