Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
