So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
