I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize