We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i came on her dog
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
