apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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