well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
