Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize