YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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