Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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