it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
