are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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