Are we in a gay sports bar?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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