lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
