why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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