yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
