She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
