nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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