how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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