a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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