She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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