The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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