just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
