No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
