I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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