Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
