I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
