did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
