I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
