i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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