Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
