it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
As shirtless as possible
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
