If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
