she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize