I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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