Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
