I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
