so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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