I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
