Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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