It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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