wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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