I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Boobs speak an international language.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
