I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
