No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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