More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
