I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
