You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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