it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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