Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
