Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
