Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
