Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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