I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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