It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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