omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
