barbara walters just said penis...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
