Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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